As a twenty year old going into marriage, despite having very little “adulting” experience, I thought I knew what I was getting into. Yeah, I know everyone says it’s going to be harder than you think and life is going to throw you curveballs, but it can’t be that bad, right?
Well, only a week into marriage, life threw a curveball that struck so hard it knocked all the wind from me.
My new husband lost his job, and I was suddenly the sole provider for our little family of two - and being new to my first full-time job, I barely made anything.
I’d like to say that was the only hurdle we had to get past in our early days of marriage, but it wasn’t. Just when my husband, Austin, finally found another job and we had steady income, he broke his arm in an accident that required major surgery, which meant tens of thousands in hospital debt and seven more months without work as he regained use of his arm. And that wasn’t the end either. Even after his recovery, we continued to struggle as Austin searched for a good job and we dealt with upheaval in our family, the loss of multiple loved ones, abruptly having to sell the tiny home that we worked so hard to build, and much more. Literally, for years, it was one dire, intensely stressful circumstance after another with very little break in between. I cannot tell you how many times I sat on the floor of my bathroom or in my car and cried out to God because I was drowning beneath the weight of our problems.
But now, looking back, you know what those long years of constant struggle taught me? God is not just my parents’ provider, He’s ours too. God is faithful, even when the world feels like it's falling apart around you. He is still there, even when you’re tempted to think He’s abandoned you. And I can honestly stand here today and say I am thankful for that testing and refining of my faith.
The other thing the past (nearly) six years of marriage have taught me? How beautiful a Godly marriage can be and how vastly important it is to cling to your spouse during the storms of life.
During those long periods of stress and turmoil, it would have been so easy to resent my husband, and vice-versa. And I’m human, so yes, I was tempted to feel that way sometimes. But rather than allow that bitterness to take hold, we chose to lean on each other instead. To find solace in our relationship with each other, and let those difficult seasons and times bring us closer together rather than farther apart.
And you know what? I know beyond a doubt that our marriage is stronger because of what we have gone through. We were just starry-eyed kids when we married, but God allowed us to go through storms that forced us to lean on Him and each other. We have truly grown up together and learned to face problems as a team instead of as foes pitted against each other.
Have you ever seen a beautiful flower being tossed about in a rainstorm? That delicate bloom looks like it might fall to pieces--and perhaps sometimes it is damaged a little--but after the storm is over, it blooms even brighter and more beautiful. Marriage is the same way. The storm may feel like it is going to destroy you as a couple, but in the end, it might be the thing making your love more beautiful than ever.
In the moment, it wasn’t always easy to not resent the storm, especially as I saw so many other couples our age that seemed to have it all together, like life was always working in their favor. But those years of small beginnings, for all their difficulty, also came with so much beauty, joy, and laughter. Like our first Valentine’s Day when we couldn’t afford to go on a date, so I made us a “fancy” dinner at home. The period of time when we didn’t have hot water in our tiny house, so we had to heat small pots of it at a time and bathe like we were pioneers. Or our first Christmas when we didn’t have money for gifts so our moms pooled their funds together and took each of us Christmas shopping. Or the many weeks of quarantining together during the pandemic and loving every second we got to spend together, even though it meant many days without pay.
All of these memories and so much more are ones I will treasure as long as I live, and I look forward to sharing them with our children someday. Because you know what? Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful and good. Both daylight and darkness reign each and every day on this earth. Life is the exact same way. There are going to be periods of sunshine where everything is going well, and then periods of darkness where everything feels heavy and hard. Both the good and the bad times end, cycling over and over and over again, no matter who you are. The Bible says in Matthew 5:45, “for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.”
Dark times will come. The rain and wind will blow. So the key to living a life of joy and contentment is learning to accept these truths and look for the learning opportunities in life’s struggles. Search for what is beautiful and good, the blooms of God’s blessings sprouting up in the middle of life’s rain storm. And if you do that, odds are those storms will result in even greater beauty for your life and your marriage!
Photo by michael podger on Unsplash
