I saw a picture of myself that I didn’t recognize. The day after bringing my youngest son home from the hospital, I held my toddler in my other arm and asked my husband to take a picture of us. I thought it would be a cute way to show that we were all home as a family and “look at me with my two boys!” I had given birth less than 48 hours prior, but still, I was not prepared for the girl looking back at me. She had deep circles under her eyes, her face was puffy, her body looked foreign. The image screamed “exhausted”.
In talking with other moms over my own journey into motherhood, I’ve realized that many are burnt out and overwhelmed. Not overwhelmed by their children, but by all the other things they are responsible for: keeping a clean home, investing in their marriage, possibly working to bring in an income, some going to school, homeschooling, volunteering at church, etc. Motherhood changes you. You aren't able to hang out at the drop of a hat and your priorities are completely different than they were in your teenage years. But that doesn't mean that you have to lose yourself completely in motherhood. Mothering is something you do, but you are more than *just* a mom, you are a woman with talents and skills to be used for God's glory. When I saw that picture of myself that day, I made an internal promise that I was going to find my spark again and let God’s grace help me be the mom I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be the mom constantly stressed and frustrated by all of my to-do’s. I didn’t want to be overwhelmed and snappy. I wanted to be a mom who was whole and healthy in all areas so that my children can reap the benefits. I wanted to enjoy the fleeting season of childhood and not be constantly wishing it away.
Some say that you have to give up everything when you become a mom. I would disagree. I think having hobbies and responsibilities outside of motherhood actually helps expand your capacity, keeps you grounded and helps you become a better mother. Below are some of the habits and mindsets (with very little explanation) that I incorporated postpartum that have helped me feel more in control and less stressed.
Simple skincare routine
Doing something simple but doing it consistently is the key for happy skin. Find a 2 or 3 step routine that you like and do it every evening before bed or every morning.
Not being too shy to ask for help from aunts, grandmas, friends
It still takes a village! Even in our modern culture of extreme independence, it still takes a village. If you have trusted friends and family members who are willing to watch your kiddos for a few hours during the week, take advantage of it! Your kiddos will get to spend quality time with grandparents/aunts/honorary aunts and you can have some time to work on projects, run errands, appointments, etc.
Movement every day
Whether this is walking every day on a walking pad, doing a quick Youtube video workout, or walking outside with a stroller and scooters, movement helps your body regulate and can be an instant mood booster if you find yourself in a funk.
Investing in physical therapy for lingering back & core pain
This is something that I didn’t do after my first baby and I wish I had. It is underrated! If you have access to outpatient physical therapy or even free Youtube videos, doing the exercises every day will help strengthen your body to be able to chase after your kids without getting worn out.
Giving myself permission to let some things go
When people would drop by unannounced, I used to feel so mortified if things weren’t perfectly pressed and put away in my house. Dishes in the sink? Laundry on the couch? THE SHAME. I don’t know what made me that way, maybe just an expectation that I placed on myself, but I’ve been giving myself permission to let my friends see the mess. It's what happens with little kids underfoot. You’re not lazy just because there’s laundry on the couch you haven’t gotten to yet.
Waking up before my kids
Really this is about finding time to yourself to spend with the Lord and with your thoughts. Whether this happens before your children wake for the day, or after they’ve gone to bed, have that time set aside to build yourself. In prayer, in reflection, in reading, etc. can really help you to grow in wisdom and patience. You don’t feel like life is just happening *to* you. You’re steering the ship towards the Lord.
Getting ready every day, even if it’s just putting on casual clothes and fixing your hair.
You're getting ready to show up for your job. I notice a huge difference in my attitude when I don’t do this.
Challenging myself with something new/fun
- A new book
- Learning a new skill in the kitchen
- Journaling
- Watercolor painting
Cutting out junk food (sorry)
As all moms know, sometimes these little ones don’t let you get much sleep. The sleep you do get needs to be quality! If you are constantly drinking caffeine, consuming a bunch of junk food, you are going to feel even more tired and sluggish.
Getting together with friends even though it means extra planning & packing with little ones.
Scheduling date nights with your spouse
Putting down your phone
We all know it, but it’s still hard to do. I know. Leaving your phone in another room can sometimes help with this. Another trick I’ve found is to make a “Landline Mode” on my iphone using the focus features. I only let calls and messages from my favorites come through, so that I don’t miss anything important but I’m not spammed with notifications constantly and I’m not checking my phone every five minutes. These kiddos deserve to have their mom present and aware.
Creating systems for routine tasks
There are lots of examples of this if you search cleaning routines or habit trackers. Creating systems that work for you and your family will help take the guesswork out of what needs to be done every day and keep things running smoothly.
I know this list was more practical and less spiritual, but the spiritual weight of our task as mothers is certainly not lost on me. It’s wearying, rewarding, and challenging work. Hopefully these practical tips will help you on your quest to mother from a place of wisdom and strength instead of exhaustion and constantly feeling as if your days are running you.
