“Why do I even bother to pray?!”
How many of you have ever asked yourself that question out of desperation and frustration?
The other day I was feeling frustrated in my morning prayer time. I was trying to touch God, but I just couldn’t focus. My daughter kept interrupting with things like, “Mommy, I need more eggs!” and “Mom, talk like Minnie Mouse!” and “Mom, my princess dolls need eggs too!” and “Mom, I need water.”
“Mom, Mom, MOM!”
I just felt like giving up. I kept repeating the same words, and I just couldn’t focus on God. I stared at the window, debating in my mind whether or not I should open the blinds while simultaneously repeating, “I love You, Jesus. You’re so good to me. Thank You for this day.”
I can just imagine God rolling His eyes and saying, “Okay, I heard you the first 1,819,264 times. I love you too — now please open the blinds!”
I felt so agitated. I began to question myself. Why do I even bother to pray on days like this? I’m always being interrupted; all I can focus on are those blinds over there, to open or not to open — the most significant question in my head right now, apparently.
I was so wrapped up with this scenario in my head that I failed to realize that my daughter had been sitting there with her hands in the air saying, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. I love You, Jesus. Help my mommy.”
She’s three.
Talk about a serious prick of conviction.
Then it was as if God whispered, “THAT’S WHY.”
That is why I keep praying. I remembered WHY I want her in the room with me when I pray. Yes, there are many days I intentionally wake up before her so that I can pray on my own and get what I need from God, but I want her to be a part of this time with God WITH me. Even when my mind is distracted by opening the blinds and a plethora of other things, I want her in the room with me so she can learn how to pray. She is watching me. She is learning. Some of my most wonderful moments in prayer have been from the thankfulness I’ve felt while watching her pray.
Our babies are watching us.
They see and hear EVERYTHING we do — good or bad. If they are in the room, they are listening.
They don’t know about the battle back and forth in our minds as we pray; they only see that we are still on our knees, seeking God, interceding for our pastor and his family, interceding on behalf of someone’s lost soul or someone in the hospital . . . They repeat that.
As I watched her with her hands in the air and listened to her praying in her own little way, my eyes filled with tears. My heart swelled.
Suddenly, I wasn’t thinking about anything else but how much I love my Jesus, and how godly proud of my daughter I am. I became so thankful, even for the distractions: for everything.
THAT is why I do my best to be faithful to prayer.
Because it’s not just about my relationship with God, it’s about her relationship with God, too. If she doesn’t see me pray at home now, then she may not pray at home when she is older, and that is not a chance I’m willing to take. It’s so important that she knows seeking God’s face is important outside of the four walls of the church.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
“O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is” (Psalm 63:1).
This is not meant to sound boastful in any kind of way. I pray that this is received in the way that it’s meant to be: an encouragement.
God knows I struggle to juggle everything, and many times I have failed at prayer time. This is from the heart of a mama who knows what it’s like to struggle with daily devotions. It’s so important to remember prayer doesn’t have to be snot and tears all the time, and we shouldn’t feel disappointed with ourselves when it’s not. Sometimes it’s about faithfulness and dedication.
To all of you mamas out there, whether you have one child, five children, or more — keep on praying, keep on fasting, keep on keeping on. Even when your mind is reeling and all you can think about is the chores that need done, the beds that need made, the messages and emails you need to reply to, the blinds that need opened, and the laundry that needs washed and folded, just keep praying, because it’s for your kids too.
God will find another time to fill your spiritual tank; some days it’s just about filling your kids’ tanks.
Be encouraged and know that you are not alone in this journey. We are a community. We are moms. We are blessed — so, so blessed.
Until next time,
~~ Hugs and blessings ~~
Hannah